Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Beauty Box 5 October 2014 - Extend your Beauty Cosmetic Tool

I haven't  been blogging much because I'm only receiving Beauty Box 5 right now and they haven't  been all that exciting.  Mostly chapsticks, nail polish, eye liner or face or hair product samples.  This month though  I received  a mini SPATULA!!!  This product is hilarious.  It allows you to scrap the sides of tiny bottles to get every last drop of a product.  I guess if you buy $100 eye creams or Fekkai Glossy shampoo you would need this tool. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

September Blush Mystery Beauty Box, and very important updates

Hi! You haven't heard from me in months. That's because the summer was too hot for blogging, not because I wasn't getting any beauty boxes.


Here's what I got this month: fancy bronzer stick (won't use), pigment corrector (not sure how this is supposed to work), Klorane dry shampoo (love!), hair goop (these never work well for me), sensitive touch cleansing wipes (which I will not use on my hoohaw but which would have been useful in the summer for armpits and feet), and more lip gloss. The last thing I need is any more of any of this stuff but it's so exciting! I put on the lip gloss last night and it smells like some gross powdery sports drink but looks fabulous.

Blush Mystery Beauty Box! Still the best mystery beauty box!

Now, here are some important updates:

I unsubscribed from Julep! :( x 100. Was it the worst mistake I've ever made in my life? I don't know. I liked Julep, it just got ridiculous. I own so many fingernail polishes now. I have been mostly bite-free since last October, though, and I will always think fondly of Julep.

I'm still subscribed to Birchbox but am going to cancel after this month. Birchbox is fine, it's only ten bucks, I just can't deal with the slow shipping. Also, apparently, the main draw for Birchbox is the points you get when you review the products you get every month. Points = $$, and when you accrue enough points you can get free stuff. I don't need any more stuff, and I don't have the time or patience to review products, so I'm not taking advantage of this point system and might as well quit. Birchbox has been nice. I signed up for it because everyone on the internet complained about it so much, and I've been pretty happy with it.

I got a Memebox Superbox! It was the aloe one, full of Korean beauty products containing aloe. It was awesome. I'm not going to say anything more about it, just that it was awesome, really awesome. Memebox puts together really neat boxes and I wish I could order more.

I also just ordered a Beauteque Beauty Bag! I don't know why I did it. I saw someone's review of theirs and was filled with longing, so, click, I got one. This month's contains something made of snail slime, I believe, which I guess must be super great for your skin. Beauteque, it seems, doesn't do a subscription - like Memebox you order the boxes one at a time. So I'll get this one and then no more, for real. Then I will go back to being a fine lady who receives only one beauty box per month.

That's it. Thank you for reading.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

May 2014 Blush Mystery Beauty Box

I can't really believe it's taken me until the end of the month to post about the Blush Mystery Beauty Box. There are a couple reasons, one being that I've been stupid busy with my stupidly stupid job, and the other being that I'm apparently a little underwhelmed by the Blush Mystery Beauty Box. It's not the Blush Mystery Beauty Box's fault, I think, but rather that you can only get beauty boxes for so long before you stop needing them and freaking out about them.

This month's theme was "Instant Refresher" which doesn't really mean anything but it's supposed to make you think nice things about it. Okay.

This month's featured curator is the CEO of Beauty Bus Foundation. Beauty Bus provides in-home beauty services for people who are sick. For every 10 Blush Mystery Beauty Boxes sold this month, Blush donated one box to Beauty Bus. That's nice. It is nice.

The curator's pick was the glo minerals Blush Duo in Bare/Hibiscus. It's full-sized but pretty small, which is fine, because no one wants to have blush last for two decades. I've been using this and it's fine.

We also got Bioxidea Miracle24 Hand Mask. This is from the same people who gave us the hockey face mask with diamond dust, which I used and which was fine, if slightly cold and hockeyish. I haven't used the hand mask yet because it hasn't fit into my fingernail plans for the month so far, but I will use it someday and I'm sure it will be nice.

We also got Oilless Oil by Peter Thomas Roth. It's moisturizer for your face and whatever else needs moisturizing. I've been using this at night and I quite like it. They make a big deal out of the process they use to make this - it's from sugar cane or whatever, and they do a lot of fancy stuff to it, apparently. This seems to work nicely, and my face and I like it.

They also sent pūr~lisse pūr-moist hydra-balance moisturizer. This is the cousin of the stuff that my chin apparently hated last fall and I'm scared to try this. Also goddammit, why does the name have to be so complicated? I'm inclined to dislike it pūr~ly because of the name.

And we got Laura Geller Beauty Cool Lids Cream Eyeshadow in Silver Sands. Silvery liquid eyeshadow. I don't wear eyeshadow but this is the bombdiggity, if you will. I really like this stuff. You just use a tiny, tiny dot, and suddenly you look very, very fancy. Me gusta, Laura Geller.

And the last item. Miracle Skin Transformer Face. They sent this exact thing in October. But the tube I got in October expires in a year and a half, and the tube they sent this month expired in March. This is super weird. Weird that they're sending something they've already sent, and weird that they're sending out expired products. I could have contacted them and gotten a replacement, but I don't want a replacement, so eh.

I really like three of the products that came this month, I will probably like one product, I'm scared to use one product, and one product is stupid. Overall this was a successful box for me, but I'm still feeling underwhelmed. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm on the internet and eventually everyone has to turn into a whiner. I still think the Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the best beauty box. It's nice that this month they donated products to the Beauty Bus Foundation. The blush, eyeshadow, and oilless oil are probably among the top products I've received and I'll continue to use them for all my livelong days. Bleh.

Maybe I'm cranky because I only liked one product last month.

Maybe I need to take a nap.

Friday, May 16, 2014

May 2014 Beauty Box five Unboxing Video

Beauty Box Five May 2014 - Fresh and Focused.

Beauty Box 5 is a subscription-based, beauty sampling service that delivers 5 deluxe samples and full-sized products right to your door every month.

This is the only beauty box I'm getting now.  I like it because it's the cheapest box out there.  This box is comparable to Birch Box or Ipsy Glam Bag.  I loved the IPSY Glam Bag because of the bag.  $99 for an annual subscription.  I only paid $79 for an annual subscription ($6.50 per box).

I got my money's worth this month with just the eyeliner and face mask.  I'm very excited to try cat eyes with this waterproof eyeliner.  The last few eyeliners and mascara I received from other beauty boxes were all natural but since they were not water proof it looked like I was crying all the time.  

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Unboxing Video May 2014 Boho Glam Julep Maven Box

This is my last Maven box.  I cancelled after I received the the May box.  After spending $171.19 on nail polish in 3 months, I've finally quit, it's an addiction.  Yes, it was absolutely great fun and has provided me hours of entertainment.  I decided it was ridiculous to spend that much money on nail polish.  I'll have to give myself manicures every week to recoup my investment in Julep. - Miranda

Friday, April 25, 2014

April 2014 Birchbox: still not bad

I'd like to be able to unsubscribe from Birchbox because I don't need it - the only reason I signed up was to be a brat because everyone on the internet hates it so much, but then it turns out I really genuinely don't hate Birchbox, and it's not even out of spite. It's a perfectly fine box. It's only ten bucks, and you get something to eat!

This month's Birchbox theme was Rainy Days. They included a little card with a random tip for surviving a rainy day. My tip was to go buy an umbrella. Thanks, Birchbox!

Here's what I got this month:

Harvey Prince Yogini perfume. This is a little sample of perfume but with a spray top! A spray top on a tiny little tube! The card says this is the "scent of liberation." Exclusively at They say to use the code "beautifulyou" for extra magic. Magic! You can buy magic on the internet at! I hope those don't automagically turn into hyperlinks for you. You'll have to copy and paste that if you want to go there. I refuse to add hyperlinks, sorry.

Sumita Color Intense Pencil in Suman (black). I'm not much of a makeup person, so all I can say about this is that it's eyeliner. Eyeliner is eyeliner. This seems very eyeliney, so it seems fine to me. No French at all on the pencil. :(

Beauty Protector Protect & Detangle Leave-In Conditioner. This is a little bottle of stuff to put in your hair. It smells nice. I've used it once and it was quite nice. The bottle is rubber. The sprayer on the bottle doesn't work.

Color Club Gala's Gems Collection Breakfast at... This is a little bottle of pearly shimmery light green fingernail polish. It's cute, although the name is complicated. I'm getting a similar green color in my next Julep box - it will be interesting to compare.

KIND Healthy Grains Maple Pumpkin Seeds with Sea Salt. Food!

So AGAIN I won't be canceling Birchbox. Someday I will but I just can't find a reason to right now.

Fingernail plan for the weekend: Dark shimmery purple (Elle). I'm not sure how this will work out for a 5K - it seems more appropriate for something longer - but we'll see. The last three weekends for my races (all 5Ks) I wore: bright sparkly green (Tatum), sparkly mermaid teal (Marion), sparkly orange (Tatiana). As you may have guessed, the bright green and the orange worked out well, but the teal wasn't as fast as I would have liked.

Important note: If you're going to be wearing flashy fingernail polish, use a base coat. Crazy fingernail polish will stain your fingernails.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

April Blush Mystery Beauty Box

Blush Mystery Beauty Box! I'd been tracking this baby for a week. It got to town last Tuesday! But it sat in the post office all day and all night until the next morning, when they finally put it into my PO box. (Pro-tip for the ladies: have your precious beauty boxes delivered to your PO box during the winter so all the fancy products don't freeze waiting for you to get home from your shitty, shitty desk job that doesn't pay well at all and why do you even work there? It's not worth it, your blood pressure has gone up, you should quit and find a nice job picking up trash in parks or something. But definitely get your beauty boxes delivered to the post office in the winter.) (But if you're ordering records, get those shipped to the PO box during the summer so they don't melt. And in the winter, so they don't shatter.) (Ordering stuff is an art.)

Blush Mystery Beauty Box! This month, we received only five items, but four are full-sized, so anyone complaining about that should calm down.

This month, again, was curated by a BOY. The featured item he picked out is the Love Lips Collection Duo Crayon by La Bella Donna. This is a two-sided lip pencil thingamabob. The colors are nice but I'm not good about using these things.

We also got a full-sized can of Oscar Blandi Pronto Invisible Volumizing Dry Shampoo Spray. Half the internet is pissed about this, because we've gotten dry shampoo before, and half the internet loves this. Now that I'm a lady who goes to the gym, I use dry shampoo often, so I'm excited about this product. "Oscar Blandi" sounds very fancy but I think the fanciness of this product would be enhanced if they'd change the color of this can. It's brown. Brown is the color of poo. They should make it silver, which is the color of fabulous.

We also got a big bottle of Jonathan Infinite Volume Shampoo. Again, half the internet is pissed about this, and half loves it. Shampoo! Volumizing! Again! Some people are mad that we've gotten Jonathan products before (have we? have I?). I'm mad because this is "for fine/thin hair", which I misinterpreted when I was younger to mean that it would make your hair fine and thin, which I wanted. Who wouldn't want something to be fine? Instead, "for fine/thin hair" means that it should be used on hair that is already fine. So confusing.

We got a bottle of Cult Cosmetics Nail Polish. Some people got a greenish color, I got a dark pink. I am not a lady who wears pink or red nail polish (yet) so I'll probably give this away.

We got a small tub of Darphin Stimulskin Plus Divine Multi-Corrective Cream, which is some ridiculously expensive face stuff. It calls itself "multi-corrective divine cream", which is quite silly but very fancy, I suppose.

And then Blush always sends some free extras. And I got two foily things, and then TWO OF THE ELIZABETH ARDEN PERFUME BOTTLES that we got a couple months ago. Two of them. The bottles are very fancy and cute but I already have one! I'll give these away. I don't understand why they gave me two. Were they confused? Was it someone who was like, "I don't even care, I hate this job, I'll give this stupid lady two bottles of perfume ah ha ha."?

Guys, someday, at some point, my relationship with the Blush Mystery Beauty Box must come to an end. You get to a point where you have plenty of personal care items sitting in your bathroom, and then the beauty boxes become less and less exciting, and then you take to the internet and start complaining. Maybe I need to take a break for a few months.

I hope they start sending toothpaste and deodorant, because I could use some of that.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Very exciting updates on things

Oh man, Julep was on top of it this month - my April box got here on March 31! It was very exciting, even though I didn't particularly care for either of the colors I got: bluey-purpley iridescent and bright sparklish green. And peach blush. And they sent candy again!

Unfortunately, the bluey-purpley polish leaked into its lid a little. Not much, not a huge mess, but enough to make me feel sad and persecuted. But not enough to make me want to notify Julep about it.

I didn't think I would, but I actually like the bluey-purpley color. I refuse to post pictures, so you'll just have to imagine. The first coat is very light and if you can make it go on without being all streaky and dumb, one coat is really nice, a subtle barely-there iridescent pale blue. Two coats looks like poo, don't do that. For the finest results, you have to do three coats and a topcoat. (Someone on the internet was putting a white coat on the bottom and that looked nice. Who would have thought? Should I buy some opaque white polish in order to do that? Would Wite-Out work?)

I've decided to wear the bright green polish on race days because I think it will make me faster. I can't imagine wearing bright green fingernail polish at any other time. I will never, ever use this bottle up.

The blush is packaged very fancily, as are all Julep products. I'm sure it's nice but I haven't tried it and won't try it for another 50 years, not until I've used up all the other blushes I have.

The candy was delicious and is all gone.


The April Blush Mystery Beauty Box is on its way to me! I'm very excited about it, as usual, because Blush was the first beauty box I subscribed to and I am fiercely, doggedly loyal, even when my loyalty is undeserved, which it is not in the case of the Blush Mystery Beauty Box. Best mystery beauty box!

I decided to keep my Birchbox subscription for another month because I didn't dislike it soooo much last month. It was soooo okay. I don't know why everyone on the internet hates Birchbox so much. I believe I'll be getting something in this Birchbox that I got in the Blush box last month, but my face seems to like it so that's good. Blush wins! And Birchbox is fine.

Last week the internet was abuzz with talk of the ModCloth Stylish Surprise - ten bucks, a surprise. You could choose from shoes, clothing, or apartment fodder. Everyone was posting pictures of their clothing surprises, and I didn't like anything that anyone got, but I was overcome by it all and ordered one myself. I will probably get either a tenty shirt designed for an 18th century peasant or a short short dress that's so short I wouldn't even have worn it when I was 13. But who cares! It will be a stylish surprise!

It's so dumb, I told myself I wouldn't get sucked into this crap, but I ordered a Secret Surprise from Julep. I am a sucker for the words "mystery" and "surprise", it would seem. This needs to stop, guys. If you haven't yet gotten sucked into the world of beauty boxes, please try to resist. It does bring immeasurable joy, glamour, and fame, yes - but at what price? At what price???

Monday, March 31, 2014

April 2014 Julep Maven It Girl Box

Unboxing of the April 2014 Julep Maven It Girl Box.  April is the Vivid collection.

First Box Free (pay only $3.99 shipping) at this link with code FREEBOX

Maven madness is spreading at my office.  We have four subscribers because Julep is AWESOME and contagious.  In the video I'm wearing Malala,which is great for a professional office setting.  Malala is a dusty pink mauve creme and is part of the Classic with a Twist collection.  100% of the proceeds from Malala benefits The Malala Fund.

Colors in the April It Girl Box
Bailey - Hyped Cobalt Sheer (It Girl)
Maren - Electric Bubblegum Sheer with Blue Sheen (It Girl)
Flora - Exotic Dragonfruit with Blue Shimmer (It Girl)

My birthday is in May and I'm considering upgrading to get all the May polishes.  What am I going to do with all this nail polish you ask?  Line it up in my bathroom into a nice display!!!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Julep Haul - Moral of the Story - Never pay full price for anything at Julep

I used my 50% Welcome to Julep to purchase quite a few items.  It reduced the price of some nail polishes to $3.33 and $2.50 a bottle when ordered in sets.

My only issue with Julep is the wasteful packaging.  Each bottle of nail polish comes in a tiny box.
My entire collection.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Birchbox isn't so bad

One day I was at work and feeling particularly sorry for myself, so I decided to make myself feel better by signing up for Birchbox. Everyone on the internet hates Birchbox, so I was super excited about how much I was not going to hate it, just to be ornery. I was looking forward to this so much.

But then, my Birchbox box took forever and ever to get here. Birchbox has this cute little tracking thing that tells you when your box is born and cute stuff like that. My box was born in Tennessee and spent an unnecessary two weeks flitting around the midwest, stopping in places like Indiana and Missouri and Kansas. It took its sweet, sweet time getting here, clearly worrying about things other than getting to me. Sightseeing, going to the St. Louis Arch, stupid shit a beauty box really shouldn't be doing.

It finally got here today and I was so mad, I was planning to hate it so much. But then I opened it! It's not bad! There's nice little things in there! Here's what I got:

Gilchrist & Soames Body Lotion. In case you start thinking this hotel brand stuff isn't all that fancy, please note that there's French on it. It's not just body lotion, it's lotion pour le corps. And Gilchrist & Soames was EST. LONDON ENGLAND, so it's pretty posh, don't worry. I'll take this to work to use on mon corps or perhaps mes mains.

Supergoop! City Sunscreen Serum. This is an anti-aging UV damage repair complex that you put on your face. It will protect you while you are out in the city. No French on the tube but it's made in Australia and I find the lack of pomp refreshing, as I'm sure you do.

theBalm How 'Bout Them Apples? Cheek & Lip Cream. This is a tiny dot of pink stuff in a tiny magnetic book. I like this packaging quite a lot. When you open it up, there's a shirtless man in a cowboy hat to remind you why you're putting on this pink stuff. The color I got is called Pie.

Tea. One of the reasons everyone hates Birchbox is because of tea. Everyone on the internet hates tea. This month they sent three pouches of Mightly Leaf: Organic Earl Grey, Green Tea Tropical, and Chamomile Citrus. I'm okay with all of this.

The last item was in a fancy pouch. I opened it up and oh my god guess what came out (in addition to the thing that was supposed to be inside)?!!?? A little chocolate bar!!! I was surprised! I'm going to eat that chocolate bar so much tomorrow, oh man.

The thing in the pouch was a little pouch of Agave Healing Oil Oil Treatment, a.k.a. traitement a l'huile. They also talk to us in Spanish here. Now I can't be entirely sure but I kind of think I got this stuff in my last Blush Mystery Beauty Box. Did I? I don't actually know, but I think so, and I'm not going to get up and go into the bathroom to check. Please come back for my next entry when I update you on this.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Julep It Girl Welcome Box

Julep Maven $19.99 per month with Free Shipping

First Box Free at this Link with code FREEBOX, Only Pay Shipping $3.99

It Girls get three polishes every month

In the Welcome Box
  • Libby - It Girl: Rich teal crème
  • Elle - It Girl: Plum frost
  • Bunny - It Girl: Crisp white linen with fine gold shimmer

Saturday, March 15, 2014

March 2014 IPSY Glam Bag - Destination Beauty

I'm no longer an Ipster.  I cancelled my subscription after I received the March Bag.  

1.  The Bag itself is super cute.
2. NYX Eyeshadow in Love in Rio Colors. Great neutral colors.
3.  Chella Indigo Blue Eyeliner.  This is the same color as my favorite blue pilot pen.  Seriously this is very Emo/hooker blue/something you would wear on the streets of Tokyo and fit in perfectly.  Full Size.  $24 Value.  
4.  Pixi Beauty - Flawless Beauty Primer.  Primer is all the rage now since it provides a base coat on your skin.  It's like the base coat or spackle you would use on your walls if you were remodeling except it is for your face.  Really what it does is fills your pores so the surface is more even.  I love bareMinerals primer and didn't think this Pixi Beauty was as good.
5. Marvelous Moxie Lipstick in Get Ready by bareMinerals.  I like this because it's sample size and it's a cute dollhouse size lipstick.

For $10 it's a decent price.  I'm saving my money for more Julep boxes and that's why I'm cancelling IPSY.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

March 2014 Beauty Box 5

One of the best blogs is Liz Cadman's My Subscription Addiction.  She posts on the 3-6 boxes she receives per DAY and always shares great discount deals.  This is how I received an annual subscription to Beauty Box 5 for only $79 per year.  That's only $6.58 per box.  Somehow I justify this cost by saying that's less than the cost of a sandwich.  When I added up the value of the sizes I got I estimated the March Box at $28.

Notice I'm wearing Aisha Julep nail polish in the video.  Julep is still my favorite subscription box because the company does amazing things for women.  Check this story about their Powered by Girlfriends program.

Miranda Updates
Favorite Box: Julep
Expecting in the mail: March Ipsy Glam Bag
Most Wanted Box: Memebox - Products curated from Korea
No longer subscribing to: Blush Mystery Beauty Bag or Birchbox

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Gaspillage d'argent! Sacrébleu!

I need to stop reading online beauty box reviews. They're so whiny and critical. Everyone is constantly disappointed by their beauty box subscriptions. They're mad because the sizes are too small or they don't like the colors. They're mad when they get something they've never used and they're mad when they get something they've already used. They're mad when someone else on the internet gets something they didn't get. They're mad when there are hair products and they're mad when there aren't hair products.

Stop harshing my open limbic system, a-holes! You guys are snotty jerks! Of course you're not going to like everything in your beauty box! If you only want things you want, you should unsubscribe from your beauty box and buy the things you want yourself!

The Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the best mystery beauty box in the world! It is mysterious and beautiful. I have been subscribed since August, and I've gotten some really great things that I never would have tried otherwise ($30 body wash). I've also gotten things that I make fun of (nail wraps), and I've gotten things that scare me (pink human hair), and I've gotten things that I didn't know I needed but now can't live without (fingernail polish). Thus far, however, I still have received no products for my ears. Nothing. Now that I think about it, that's an absolute outrage. It's very disappointing. Blush hates ears! Blush is anti-ear!

Here are the products in the March Blush Mystery Beauty Box:

There's something calling itself Spackle. Spackle! Like the stuff you put on your walls! Except this is for your face! Specifically, this is Laura Geller Beauty Spackle Under Makeup Primer. How dare they send this to me, knowing how uncomfortable I am with the concept of facial spackly stuff. Blush and Laura Geller are basically telling me that my face is drywall. It's unbelievable.

The box also contains StriVectin-SD Intensive Concentrate for Stretch Marks and Wrinkles. I am so offended by this. The implication that I need something for stretch marks and wrinkles is the height of impudence. Also, I don't know what SD stands for. San Diego? Stand Down? Or does it stand for Stupid Dummy? The potential for insult just increases the more you think about this. Highly offensive product.

We also got Miracle Skin Transformer Hydroactive Microderm. This is from the same company that made the product that gave me a huge existential meltdown a couple months ago. And here they send another product from them! Are they trying to destroy my mental health on purpose? I pay money for this!

We also got Talika Eye Therapy Patches. This is great because Talika is the company that made that eyelash goop that actually (maybe) worked, but this is terrible because these come in a little foil packet. The two eye patches are actually worth more than $10 but I can hardly enjoy them because the packaging does not meet my high standards. These patches, which can be used three times, are supposed to deliver moisturizing and anti-aging ingredients directly to the skin by osmosis. Well I don't believe in osmosis and I don't like them pushing their religious beliefs on me. It's called the First Amendment, people.

Suki washcloth. This is a 100% organic washcloth made from the highest quality cotton. It is a cream color. How dare they pry into my personal life like this.

Skinceuticals Hydrating B5 Gel. This is the featured product picked out by this month's curator, a BOY. This is the tiniest, cutest dropper bottle of stuff ever invented and I can't bring myself to say anything bad about it, except that it's not as tiny and cute as the teensy-tiny 3mL dropper bottle for the super expensive Dremu oil. Actually, comparing the two, this Skinceuticals bottle is ungainly and gauche. Too huge! Gross.

DCL Oil Free Ultra Light Hydrator. This is the hugest bottle of face moisturizer I've ever seen in my life, 3.5 oz. So they think I have skin that might like to be hydrated, do they? I'll be the one who decides whether my skin gets hydrated or not, thank you very much.

The last product is Paula's Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid. This is, perhaps, the most disappointing product in this month's beauty box. The internet loves Paula's Choice, but who is Paula? And why should I accept her choice? What are her qualifications for making this choice? What did she choose from? And what does BHA stand for? I don't know, but I can only assume the worst.

My free samples from Blush this month are: a small packet of nettoyant pour le visage de First Aid Beauty, and a small packet of moisturizing body lotion from Amlactin that doesn't have one word of French on the packet. :(

In sum, this month's Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the most disappointing thing I have ever experienced. It has harmed my home and my health. Yet I will continue to suffer this burden on a monthly basis.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Julep Maven Box - Jan 2014 Classic with a Twist & Boho Glam Intro Box
Use Code FREEBOX to pay only $3.99 shipping for your first box.  Cancel anytime.

Fancy Schmancy Nail Subscription!  It's unlikely I will use most of this stuff but getting this box at work made my day.  $19.99 per box (free shipping) and you get $40 worth of products.  Usually 2 Nail Polishes and a nail tool or 3 Nail Polishes.

Boho Glam Welcome Box 

  • Michelle-Boho Glam: Midnight, inky blue
  • Aisha-Boho Glam: Wildberry crème
  • Mighty Nail & Cuticle Serum: This peptide-fueled treatment quickly transforms dry, damaged cuticles and encourages strong, healthy nail growth

January Classic with a Twist box

Ta Da! Quick Dry Drops: These nourishing drops will leave your mani touchably smudge-free in just a few minutes.
Mona: Storm cloud grey creme
Abigail: Light peony pink silk

If you are like me and paint your own nails like a 12 year old.  I can't wait for the Julep Plie Wand coming in the May boxes.  Video here!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Gaspillage d'argent? Mais non.

My first real Julep Maven box came yesterday! Julep Maven boxes are packed and packaged very nicely. Everything is very shiny and special, and everything is in English and French, which is muy importante for modern, sophisticated ladies like me. I was only going to subscribe to this box for three months but mayyyyybe I'll subscribe for four months. Or five, maybe.

Right now I'm wearing the Oxygen Nail Treatment that I got. Did you know that the French word for 'fingernail' is ongle? I didn't either! Mis ongles look tres chic without being all scary and bright. And they are being oxygenated, and my teeth haven't bitten them once today. Success!

I also got a bottle of top coat, which is very, you know, toppy and coaty, and I got the cleanup tool, which will come in handy, and I got the two bottles of nail polish - blue and creamy white. The blue, a light periwinkle, is very nice. The creamy white polish in the bottle looks like something unmentionable. Never mind about that.

Julep nail polishes are very nice, even if they are only 4-free. They cover nicely and dry nicely and stuff. And there are so many, many colors. Mucho gusto, Julep, you jerk. I want so much nail polish now.

This month's Julep box also came with: a candy stick! I ate that immediately.

Blush Mystery Beauty Box news: Well, Blush is still ignoring me because they again haven't sent me an email about the March box. But it's okay, Blush Mystery Beauty Box is still the best mystery beauty box.

This month's Blush Mystery Beauty Box is curated by a BOY. His chosen product is hydrating gel for your face, your décolleté, and the backs of your hands. A 1 oz. bottle of the stuff is $74. Given my newly acquired refined tastes for stupid expensive face crap, I will probably start buying it.

Monday, February 24, 2014


The Julep March Maven Reveal ends today! I just changed my box again! I decided I'm not a Modern Beauty. I switched to the Core Classics Box, which includes a cleanup tool, top coat, and oxygen nail treatment. The cleanup tool is this little thing that's supposed to clean under nails and fix polish mistakes. It's kind of like a jackknife but fancier, and for ladies. Hooray! I'm still adding on the cloudy clear polish and the light periwinkle polish. I'm not getting the lippy stuff. This is a fingernail subscription, who cares about lips right now, am I right? Right? Am I? I have a few more hours to change my mind again. Did I do the right thing? Maybe I should switch back! What if I chose the wrong thing!

I decided I wanted the cleanup tool because I put on the coral pinky Butter London polish over the weekend and there's no way to put it on without looking like a 5-year-old. Impossible. I even took it off and put it back on as carefully as possible, but it's still embarrassing. Somehow you can't stop it from leaking into your cuticles, and it's so bright that any mistake like that is quite blatant.

In contrast, the purple LVX polish goes on like a champ - no smudging, no weird cuticle leaks, no streaky bad spots. LVX nail polish makes you look like an elegant professional, a competent and graceful gentlewoman whose apartment is not a disaster, a put-together grown-up who gets up in the morning without hitting the snooze button five times. I really like the LVX stuff. I try to like the Butter London stuff but just haven't been able to.

Fingernails, man. It's so complicated.

Julep boxes start shipping on the 27th. They come from Seattle so it'll only take a couple days to get here. I am very excited for this box and in preparation am growing out my fingernails with all my might.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Julep March Mavel Reveal, and important updates

It's the 20th of the month! That means that the March Maven Reveal is open! For a few days during the Reveal you get to look at the products you'll get in your Julep Maven box, and if you don't like them you can switch to a different box. You can also add single products from other boxes, or you can add every single thing possible. All these things.

This month, the Julep Bombshell box contains: yellow fingernail polish, blue fingernail polish, and peachy lip gloss. Everything obviously has fancier names than that. But I decided to switch to the Modern Beauty box, which contains lip conditioning treatment and lip scrub (LIP SCRUB), and I added a light periwinkle nail polish and a cloudy clear nail polish. I think the cloudy clear stuff might help me ease back into the world of clear nail polish, which I currently cannot handle. Colored polishes help trick my teeth into thinking my fingernails are not fingernails. If my teeth can see the whites of my fingernails, they know that they're fingernails and cannot be stopped from biting them.

Who am I? Am I still a Bombshell? Am I a confident frill seeker with magnetic appeal? Do I still adore bold, glam colors and anything that sparkles? Modern Beauties are savvy tastemakers obsessed with the art and science of beauty. Is that me? I don't know. We'll see which box I choose next month.


A month or so ago I decided that, like a cat, I do not like to get wet. I experimented with taking waterless showers, but those experiments failed. Luckily I subscribe to the Blush Mystery Beauty Box! We've gotten dry shampoo twice, and we got that SweetSpot wipette for your sweet spot. With the Blush Mystery Beauty Box, I'll never have to get wet again! I've used the Klorane Dry Shampoo with Nettle a few times, and it's great! It works well, even after TRX. I don't know if other dry shampoos work like this or not, but this is quite good. If you need a dry shampoo, I do recommend this. I also still really like the Klorane Leave-In Cream. And Miranda likes the Klorane hair mask that she got. This blog gives Klorane four thumbs up.

I've used up the Osmosis Skincare Harmonized H20. Guys, I do not recommend this product. Since I started using this harmonized water, my shoulder started hurting, I discovered a gray hair right in the center of my hairline, and my house developed a mysterious drip. Beware.

I've put on the Elizabeth Arden UNTOLD parfum twice and was nearly asphyxiated both times. After you put this on, the smell becomes increasingly more powdery and intense. Unless you like cloying powderiness, I recommend using only one dot of this stuff, maybe just in your elbow pits. The problem here is that I don't like most perfumes. People who like perfume might like this perfume more than I do. I'm keeping this because the bottle is so fancy and cute.

NCLA Designer Nail Wraps. Only use these nail wraps for some fancy occasion, guys, because they scare people. I put them on over the weekend to try them out. I went to a coffee shop and as I was handing the barista my money she saw my horrifying fingernails and jumped. These are okay but not for everyday use.

I am STILL using the SmartLash Eyelash Enhancer from November. Whether it enhances your eyelashes or not, I don't know, but it sure lasts a long time. Man, how much longer can this bottle last. Definitely worth either $30 or $125, if that's how much you want to spend on stuff like this.

I recently had the opportunity to use the NYX Love in Paris eye shadow and the Mirabella Mineral Highlighting Powder when I went out for an evening. I also wore mascara. Nothing happened.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

I'm an Ipster. February 2014 Ipsy Glam Bag - The Look of Love

I just signed up for the IPSY glam bag.  This one is also $10 per month and is the biggest competitor with Birch Box since the boxes are about the same size and same price.  Every month you get a cute makeup bag with your subscription.
What I like about the bag is IPSY personalizes what items you receive through IPSY match where you answer questions about your beauty preferences.


Thanks to my videowoman Erica!

Popbeauty - Pump Pout Mini - Size 4gs $10 Retail Value
Promised to plump up my lips to be more kissable!! Not my favorite.
Zoya Nail Polish - Full Size $9 Color Odette
This is super fast drying and I love the color.  Usually when I paint my nails it looks like 8 year old painted my nails.  Hopefully this is higher quality then the Wet N' Wild nail polish I used to buy as a kid.  I'm actually very excited about this product!!
City Color Be Matte Blush - 2.99 Retail Value
This Blush is Gigantic.  It will last me years since I have a lot of blush.  This color too pink for me.
skyn Iceland Fresh Start Mask with Ice Age Mud - 2 Masks Retail for $12
10 minutes face treatment.  Mini facial in one package
J. Cat Eyelashes - Eyelashes + Glue Retail $3.99
I would never buy eyelashes for myself so it's fun that they came in the Glam Bag.  I have the tiniest eye lashes and virtually none on my bottom lids.  I'll try them at least one for fun.  I like that the company has "Cat" in the name.
Please use my referral link if you want to subscribe:
Overall I'm very impressed with this bag for a mere $10.  That's two drinks from Starbucks.  I will use the nail polish and mask and give the rest away.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Unboxing Video - February 2014 Blush Mystery Beauty Box -

February 2014 Blush Mystery Beauty Box
$24.95 with a Subscription (Cancel anytime) - $120 Retail Value this Month (9 Items and 2 samples)

Bioxidea Miracle 48 Mask - Featured Item this month $25 Retail (I Got Gold, Kelsi had Diamond)
Klorane Dry Shampoo with Nettle - Full Size 150ml $19.50 (Yeah I can stop showering)
DHC Deep Cleansing Oil - 1 oz Travel Size $5 (Hopefully more moisturizing then face wash)
vbeaute Rub off Gentle Facial Exfoliater .50 Oz $18 (Not that excited)
Elizabeth Arden Untold Parfum - 5ml $5 Cute mini bottle, smells like all parfum
NYX Are You DeprEYEved Mascara Full Size 8ml $13 (Better than tea dyed mascara)
NCLA Designers Nail Wraps Full Size $16 (really want to use these)
Jonathan Product High Shine Control Hair Spray Full Size 10 Ounces $18.49 (Bonus Item)
Different Bonus Item then the one Kelsi received
Sample of Ren Hyrda-Calm Global Protection Cream
Sample of Jonathan Styling Creme (Would be excited to get a full size)

Please see Kelsi's post for details on each product.
Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the best.

P.S. I already cancelled by BirchBox Subscription but I'm waiting for my first Ipsy GlamBag and I have an annual subscription to Beauty Box 5.

Seriously, this is a lot of beauty stuff for $24.99.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

February Blush Mystery Beauty Box

Shortly after my last post in which I bemoaned perceived miscarriages of justice perpetuated upon me by my most favorite beauty box in the world, Blush Mystery Beauty Box, it was brought to my attention that other people had experienced the same things I had and Blush was not, in fact, targeting me for mistreatment and abuse. So that's good news. And now the great news!!!...

My February Blush Mystery Beauty Box arrived yesterday! Here's what's in it:

Klorane Dry Shampoo with Nettle: If you are a dingbat like me who doesn't know how to use dry shampoo, you can go to the Klorane website to watch videos on how to use dry shampoo either with a hair dryer or without a hair dryer. (With a hair dryer: spray dry shampoo on hair, use hair dryer. Without a hair dryer: spray dry shampoo on hair, don't use hair dryer.) I'm doing a TRX class at noon a couple days a week and I just go back to work afterwards all sweaty and horrendous. It would behoove me professionally and personally to try to do some hygienic maintenance before returning to work, and maybe this dry shampoo will help in that regard.

DHC Deep Cleansing Oil: Everyone on the internet is excited about this. It's oil for washing your face. I've never used cleansing oil and I suppose it's time I gave it a try.

NYX Are You DeprEYEved of... Long and Full Lashes Mascara - Jet Black: This is the second tube of mascara I've gotten from Blush, and I still have two tubes that I got from my sister for Christmas a few years ago. What are you trying to tell me, Lord? You want me to start wearing mascara? Fine! I will. On the box, NYX asks if I am deprEYEved of things. No, NYX, EYE'm not deprEYEved, but thanks for taking the tEYEme to ask. EYE think this is a cute way to wrEYEte words that have a long EYE sound. Am EYE rEYEght, gEYEs? GEYEs?

BIOXIDEA Miracle 48 Excellence Diamond Face & Body Treatment: This masky mask has diamond powder in it which will make your face all sparkly. I'm assuming this effect is lost if you use this at night and then go to bed. I envision that this mask is supposed to be used by fine ladies who get out of bed at 1 in the afternoon, then take a bath and use this face mask, and then go out to dinner parties and smoke cigarettes with long holders. Etc. As I may likely be unemployed soon (NOT because I'm all stinky after TRX, but for other reasons) (reasons not related to me or my person), I am looking forward to leading such a life, and so this is a very timely product for me. Thanks, Blush!

Elizabeth Arden UNTOLD Eau de Parfum: This is a tiny fancy bottle of parfum. This is fancy on two levels - fancy on the box, which has gold leafing, and fancy in the little container, which is all prismy. I mean it's fancy on three levels, because, as parfum rather than perfume, it is also linguistically fancy. Fancy! This is described as a "fresh yet sultry fragrance inspired by the complexity and sensuality of the modern woman." Do you suppose that if you wear this it will make you more complex, sensual, and modern, or do you think you already have to be those things in order to wear it? The instructions lead me nowhere with this question.

VBEAUTE Rub Off Gentle Facial Exfoliator: Hey, if you use all these exfoliators will you eventually disappear? Is exfoliation a good way to lose weight? How much exfoliation is too much exfoliation?

NCLA Designer Nail Wraps - Pizzo: These are stickers for your fingernails! Ain't no way my teeth are getting through these things! You put them on, et voilà, your fingernails turn into tapestries! Good thing I've got these honking fingernails now. Wow. NCLA Designer Nail Wraps come to us from California. The LA in NCLA is for Los Angeles, and the NC is for Nail Crap.

And here are the extra samples that Blush sent me:

Vichy Laboratoires Eau Thermal (Thermal Spa Water): After we got a bottle of fancy water for our guts last month, I thought this might be a similar thing. It's water, in a can. It has a spray top. Do you spray this on your tongue or something? No. Our most mysterious contributor to this blog, the one known only as auntsi, told me that you spray it on your face. It's Vichy! Vichy is a spa and resort town in France! This is fancy French water, in a can!

AFA Amino Acid Skin Care Exfoliating Gel - Mild: Again with the exfoliation. Pretty soon there will be nothing left of me.

REN Hydra-Calm Global Protection Day Cream: This is a little packet of moisturizer. They sent us a half-ounce bottle of this a couple months ago. I've started using it and I like it. It's got a strong smell that I don't like, but it seems like a good moisturizer for winter. So far it hasn't caused my chin to turn into a bad place like the Chinese stuff did. God, that still makes me cry. That moisturizer was so fancy and amazing, but my chin hated it so much. Life can be so confusing and heartbreaking.

Some other lady on the internet got a giant bottle of hair spray as one of her free samples. A giant bottle of hair spray! It's okay that I didn't get that, I got eau instead and I'm not even sure her hair spray was French. In fact I think it wasn't, so I win.

Hooray! Best beauty box ever, Blush Mystery Beauty Box, A+++! I love this! What will come next month! Will they get the shipping problems fixed? Will they finally send us something for our ears? Oh man! Luckily February is a short month! We only have three more weeks of waiting.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Beauty Box Problems

  1. Blush never sent me an email with the video about the Blush Mystery Beauty Box featured product this month! I had to go sleuthing around the internet myself to find out about it!
  2. It's February 10th. I usually get my box around the 10th, but so far this month I haven't even gotten an email saying my box has shipped! And Miranda got her shipping notification last week! According to my usps tracking code (which I had to retrieve myself by logging into my Blush account) only electronic shipping info has been provided. My box isn't even on its way yet! What the fuck, Blush? I'm your biggest fan! What's with this treatment? Blush! I love you so much! How could you treat me like this!
  3. I cannot resist so I've gone around the internet to find out what other people have gotten in their February Blush Mystery Beauty Box. It looks amazing! Such fancy products! I can't wait! When will my box even get here. If it ever even gets here. :(
  4. Blush sent out a survey! (I did get that email.) They want to know if we want more skin care, hair care, or makeup. They want to know if we want to create "beauty profiles" so our boxes can be personalized. They want to know if we want to know all the products in the box beforehand. I'm worried because I think they've been reading all the online whining. People whine about everything, and here's why: because they're subscribed to too many boxes. Someone on the internet said she was behind in writing reviews for 27 boxes. 27. That's way too many! No wonder she hates everything.
  5. It has been brought to my attention that "Blush Box" and "Blush Mystery Beauty Box" are two different things. You may google this yourself. Because a fine lady does not talk about all the sex boxes she is subscribed to, you will have to decide for yourself which box I have been referring to in previous posts.
  6. Yeah, no new Julep box until the end of this month. I thought I'd have these things coming out of my ears. Instead I sit here alone and empty. I guess I'll go paint my fingernails gold now. :(

Thursday, February 6, 2014

January Blush Mystery Beauty Box UnBoxing Video

January Blush Mystery Beauty Box

$24.95 Per Month with Subscription 6-8 full size and sample size beauty items.

Miranda's January Review 
Kelsi's January Review

February Box will be out next week!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

February Blush revealed item, and important updates

You guys! Oh my god! Finally Blush has unveiled the revealed item for the February box. I've been waiting for this forever!

This month's revealed item is: a freaky-looking mask. Do you like Phantom of the Opera? Well you're in luck, because with this month's Blush Mystery Beauty Box, you can BE the phantom! This is a face mask, but with an actual mask. Okay.

What else do you think will be in the box!!! Here's what I'm hoping for:

  • Something for ears. So far I've gotten nothing for my ears. My ears exist too! Why aren't there any lotions or scrubs or masks for your ears? Are you supposed to use face stuff on ears? They make separate stuff for necks and chests and feet, but not ears? No way! Come on, beauty industry.
  • Toothpaste, because somehow I lost mine. I hope we get toothpaste that's strong enough for the teeth of a man but pH-balanced for the teeth of a woman.
  • Fingernail clippers. The best thing for keeping your fingernails short is teeth, but when you can't use those because of physician-strength fingernail polish, you'll need very sharp fingernail clippers.
  • Pink toilet paper, because ladies shouldn't have to always use white toilet paper.
  • Deodorant. I've been using this one kind and I'm not sure it works. I mean, it doesn't work.
  • Implements, for implementing stuff.
  • Record player. I think I might want to have a record player at work.
  • New bike. A fine lady can never have too many bikes.
  • The Who Live at the Royal Albert Hall DVD. This is really good. I don't care if you don't like The Who.
  • Hair spray. I have a small travel-sized bottle of hair spray but the sprayer doesn't work anymore. It's not clogged, it just doesn't work anymore. I use hair spray twice a year and one of those instances could pop up at any time and some fancy hair spray would please me.
  • Protein powder, for all of our weight-lifting needs.

I've really put the Osmosis Skincare Harmonized H20 for Digestive Health to the test by eating a lot of burritos lately. Has the harmonized water normalized my bowel functions? That is a question to which you will never know the answer, because a fine lady does not discuss her bowel functions with strangers on the internet. Did you know that the Osmosis Skincare company makes harmonized water for a wide variety of functions? They have one that will increase the SPF of your skin so you don’t have to wear sunblock anymore. Wow! I really hope they're working on one that will make you glow in the dark - that would be very useful for runners in the winter.

I can't explain it but I really like the Le Edge razy thing. Someone on the internet said they like it because they have sensitive skin that reacts to most exfoliants. The Le Edge razy thing probably won't irritate your skin because it's a piece of stainless steel. Also it won't make your shower all scummy like some sugar scrubs and other exfoliants. I just like this thing, okay? Miranda doesn’t, but I think we can all agree that she doesn't know anything.

I like the Klorane Leave-In Cream even though when it's wet it smells like a man's cologne from the '70s. When it's dry it doesn't smell like anything. It makes my hair very soft and very good. This is a large bottle. It will last years.

I used up all of the Murad Advanced Active Radiance Serum. It was fine. I don't know if it did anything. Sometimes, some of these things, as long as they don't irritate your skin they're good. I don't know if anything actually ever does anything great for me. I still look the same. But maybe slightly more radiant, I don’t know.

The Glytone Hydrate Eye Cream is fine. It would be so much fancier if it were a crème rather than a cream, though. This tube will last a long time. On the package it says it's "exclusive to physicians", which doesn't make any sense to me at all. Does anyone go to their physician for help in picking out an eye cream? Or does everyone do that and I'm missing something?

I've started using the Goldfaden MD Wake Up Call. It’s fine. MD may stand for "medical doctor", so, again, this is a product vaguely associated with medicine, which means it's good. I guess everyone else does go to their doctor for their beauty products. Am I doing this personal care stuff wrong? Should I have talked with my doctor about beauty boxes? Should I make an appointment every month when I get a beauty box so my doctor and I can look at the products together? What kind of nail polish would a doctor prescribe? I've prescribed purple fingernail polish for myself but what if I'm actually doing more harm than good?

Last week I used the Miracle Skin Transformer Face SPF 20 from the October box. This is tinted stuff to put on your face. It made me uncomfortable existentially. It makes you look like a plastic ghost. Yeah, I don't want blotches or spots or other dastardly things on my face but I don't want my skin to look uniformly one color. That's creepy. Noses aren't the same as cheeks, you know? I don't like this idea of "perfection" at all. I don't want to walk around looking all plastic perfect all day. And I don't want there to be a huge difference between my plastic daytime face and my clean nighttime face. I can't imagine anything more depressing. Yuck. I'm really kind of disturbed by this. That said, I suppose this Miracle Skin Transformer Face SPF 20 stuff does what it says it will do. I don't have any problems with the product, just with the concept.

I've also used the Colorescience Sunforgettable Face Primer SPF 30 from August - a similar concept to the Miracle Skin Transformer, but less total plastic and more ghosty. And ehh. I say ehh to both. I suppose some people will like these, and I suppose I also like them in a certain way. Some days you feel gross and blotchy and it's nice to have some kind of crap all over your face. I guess I'm just an idiot who doesn't know how to use foundation. Or primer. I don’t even know what the difference is.


Julep nail polish is 4-free, which means there are four bad things that aren't in it. Butter nail polish is 3-free, which means there are three bad things that aren't in it. Four is one more than three, so Julep wins. The Julep polishes took an awful long time to dry, much longer than the Butter and LVX polishes, so Butter and LVX win there. I'm wearing the coral-pinky Butter polish today. If it weren't such an awful color it would be fine. "Butter" is a gross name for a beauty product company. Butter is butter, not beauty products. My number one nail polish is still the LVX purple nail polish. Late-breaking update: Oh god! I just found out that LVX nail polish is 5-free! It’s free of FIVE bad things! LVX! Huge winner! There isn’t even a contest here.

I guess I'm not getting another Julep box until the end of February. So confusing. I thought I'd get the intro box, and then the February box. Or the January box. Or whichever one they just sent out. I don't know what's going on.

Monday, February 3, 2014

January BirchBox II - My first Unboxing Video

I received my first BirchBox.  After being spoiled by the Blush Mystery Beauty Box with it's full size products, I was not as impressed with the Birchbox which everyone was raving about.  The Box itself is very nice and would make a great box to put a gift in.  The Mascara and Lip Balm samples are both .10 ounces.

A couple of comments about the video and the products.
100% Pure - Turns out this is the name brand of the Mascara company.  On the bottle it says Black Tea Ultra Lengthening.  Al the makeup gets it coloring from fruit dye and in the case of this Mascara from Tea.
Dr. Lipp Nipple Balm - Yes, it is Nipple Balm and yes you can put it on your nipples.  This would be great if you had chapped Nipples from Nursing a Wee One or in my case Eczema on my elbows.  This balm tastes very medicated and a little like Carmex lip balm.
Serge Normant Dry Conditioner - I've been wanting to try Dry Shampoo but have not heard of Dry Conditioner.  The directions say to apply the Dry Conditioner after you use the Dry Shampoo.  This seems kind of stupid to just continue to put products on your hair in the hopes that your hair looks and smells fresh.  Warning in the video I can't get the cap off so I say S$#t.
Ruby Wing Nail Polish - I'm going to feel like Diana Ross with gold nail polish on.  Seriously this is something 14 year old me would have loved but 34 year old me not so much.