Friday, April 25, 2014

April 2014 Birchbox: still not bad

I'd like to be able to unsubscribe from Birchbox because I don't need it - the only reason I signed up was to be a brat because everyone on the internet hates it so much, but then it turns out I really genuinely don't hate Birchbox, and it's not even out of spite. It's a perfectly fine box. It's only ten bucks, and you get something to eat!

This month's Birchbox theme was Rainy Days. They included a little card with a random tip for surviving a rainy day. My tip was to go buy an umbrella. Thanks, Birchbox!

Here's what I got this month:

Harvey Prince Yogini perfume. This is a little sample of perfume but with a spray top! A spray top on a tiny little tube! The card says this is the "scent of liberation." Exclusively at They say to use the code "beautifulyou" for extra magic. Magic! You can buy magic on the internet at! I hope those don't automagically turn into hyperlinks for you. You'll have to copy and paste that if you want to go there. I refuse to add hyperlinks, sorry.

Sumita Color Intense Pencil in Suman (black). I'm not much of a makeup person, so all I can say about this is that it's eyeliner. Eyeliner is eyeliner. This seems very eyeliney, so it seems fine to me. No French at all on the pencil. :(

Beauty Protector Protect & Detangle Leave-In Conditioner. This is a little bottle of stuff to put in your hair. It smells nice. I've used it once and it was quite nice. The bottle is rubber. The sprayer on the bottle doesn't work.

Color Club Gala's Gems Collection Breakfast at... This is a little bottle of pearly shimmery light green fingernail polish. It's cute, although the name is complicated. I'm getting a similar green color in my next Julep box - it will be interesting to compare.

KIND Healthy Grains Maple Pumpkin Seeds with Sea Salt. Food!

So AGAIN I won't be canceling Birchbox. Someday I will but I just can't find a reason to right now.

Fingernail plan for the weekend: Dark shimmery purple (Elle). I'm not sure how this will work out for a 5K - it seems more appropriate for something longer - but we'll see. The last three weekends for my races (all 5Ks) I wore: bright sparkly green (Tatum), sparkly mermaid teal (Marion), sparkly orange (Tatiana). As you may have guessed, the bright green and the orange worked out well, but the teal wasn't as fast as I would have liked.

Important note: If you're going to be wearing flashy fingernail polish, use a base coat. Crazy fingernail polish will stain your fingernails.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

April Blush Mystery Beauty Box

Blush Mystery Beauty Box! I'd been tracking this baby for a week. It got to town last Tuesday! But it sat in the post office all day and all night until the next morning, when they finally put it into my PO box. (Pro-tip for the ladies: have your precious beauty boxes delivered to your PO box during the winter so all the fancy products don't freeze waiting for you to get home from your shitty, shitty desk job that doesn't pay well at all and why do you even work there? It's not worth it, your blood pressure has gone up, you should quit and find a nice job picking up trash in parks or something. But definitely get your beauty boxes delivered to the post office in the winter.) (But if you're ordering records, get those shipped to the PO box during the summer so they don't melt. And in the winter, so they don't shatter.) (Ordering stuff is an art.)

Blush Mystery Beauty Box! This month, we received only five items, but four are full-sized, so anyone complaining about that should calm down.

This month, again, was curated by a BOY. The featured item he picked out is the Love Lips Collection Duo Crayon by La Bella Donna. This is a two-sided lip pencil thingamabob. The colors are nice but I'm not good about using these things.

We also got a full-sized can of Oscar Blandi Pronto Invisible Volumizing Dry Shampoo Spray. Half the internet is pissed about this, because we've gotten dry shampoo before, and half the internet loves this. Now that I'm a lady who goes to the gym, I use dry shampoo often, so I'm excited about this product. "Oscar Blandi" sounds very fancy but I think the fanciness of this product would be enhanced if they'd change the color of this can. It's brown. Brown is the color of poo. They should make it silver, which is the color of fabulous.

We also got a big bottle of Jonathan Infinite Volume Shampoo. Again, half the internet is pissed about this, and half loves it. Shampoo! Volumizing! Again! Some people are mad that we've gotten Jonathan products before (have we? have I?). I'm mad because this is "for fine/thin hair", which I misinterpreted when I was younger to mean that it would make your hair fine and thin, which I wanted. Who wouldn't want something to be fine? Instead, "for fine/thin hair" means that it should be used on hair that is already fine. So confusing.

We got a bottle of Cult Cosmetics Nail Polish. Some people got a greenish color, I got a dark pink. I am not a lady who wears pink or red nail polish (yet) so I'll probably give this away.

We got a small tub of Darphin Stimulskin Plus Divine Multi-Corrective Cream, which is some ridiculously expensive face stuff. It calls itself "multi-corrective divine cream", which is quite silly but very fancy, I suppose.

And then Blush always sends some free extras. And I got two foily things, and then TWO OF THE ELIZABETH ARDEN PERFUME BOTTLES that we got a couple months ago. Two of them. The bottles are very fancy and cute but I already have one! I'll give these away. I don't understand why they gave me two. Were they confused? Was it someone who was like, "I don't even care, I hate this job, I'll give this stupid lady two bottles of perfume ah ha ha."?

Guys, someday, at some point, my relationship with the Blush Mystery Beauty Box must come to an end. You get to a point where you have plenty of personal care items sitting in your bathroom, and then the beauty boxes become less and less exciting, and then you take to the internet and start complaining. Maybe I need to take a break for a few months.

I hope they start sending toothpaste and deodorant, because I could use some of that.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Very exciting updates on things

Oh man, Julep was on top of it this month - my April box got here on March 31! It was very exciting, even though I didn't particularly care for either of the colors I got: bluey-purpley iridescent and bright sparklish green. And peach blush. And they sent candy again!

Unfortunately, the bluey-purpley polish leaked into its lid a little. Not much, not a huge mess, but enough to make me feel sad and persecuted. But not enough to make me want to notify Julep about it.

I didn't think I would, but I actually like the bluey-purpley color. I refuse to post pictures, so you'll just have to imagine. The first coat is very light and if you can make it go on without being all streaky and dumb, one coat is really nice, a subtle barely-there iridescent pale blue. Two coats looks like poo, don't do that. For the finest results, you have to do three coats and a topcoat. (Someone on the internet was putting a white coat on the bottom and that looked nice. Who would have thought? Should I buy some opaque white polish in order to do that? Would Wite-Out work?)

I've decided to wear the bright green polish on race days because I think it will make me faster. I can't imagine wearing bright green fingernail polish at any other time. I will never, ever use this bottle up.

The blush is packaged very fancily, as are all Julep products. I'm sure it's nice but I haven't tried it and won't try it for another 50 years, not until I've used up all the other blushes I have.

The candy was delicious and is all gone.


The April Blush Mystery Beauty Box is on its way to me! I'm very excited about it, as usual, because Blush was the first beauty box I subscribed to and I am fiercely, doggedly loyal, even when my loyalty is undeserved, which it is not in the case of the Blush Mystery Beauty Box. Best mystery beauty box!

I decided to keep my Birchbox subscription for another month because I didn't dislike it soooo much last month. It was soooo okay. I don't know why everyone on the internet hates Birchbox so much. I believe I'll be getting something in this Birchbox that I got in the Blush box last month, but my face seems to like it so that's good. Blush wins! And Birchbox is fine.

Last week the internet was abuzz with talk of the ModCloth Stylish Surprise - ten bucks, a surprise. You could choose from shoes, clothing, or apartment fodder. Everyone was posting pictures of their clothing surprises, and I didn't like anything that anyone got, but I was overcome by it all and ordered one myself. I will probably get either a tenty shirt designed for an 18th century peasant or a short short dress that's so short I wouldn't even have worn it when I was 13. But who cares! It will be a stylish surprise!

It's so dumb, I told myself I wouldn't get sucked into this crap, but I ordered a Secret Surprise from Julep. I am a sucker for the words "mystery" and "surprise", it would seem. This needs to stop, guys. If you haven't yet gotten sucked into the world of beauty boxes, please try to resist. It does bring immeasurable joy, glamour, and fame, yes - but at what price? At what price???