Monday, March 31, 2014

April 2014 Julep Maven It Girl Box

Unboxing of the April 2014 Julep Maven It Girl Box.  April is the Vivid collection.

First Box Free (pay only $3.99 shipping) at this link with code FREEBOX

Maven madness is spreading at my office.  We have four subscribers because Julep is AWESOME and contagious.  In the video I'm wearing Malala,which is great for a professional office setting.  Malala is a dusty pink mauve creme and is part of the Classic with a Twist collection.  100% of the proceeds from Malala benefits The Malala Fund.

Colors in the April It Girl Box
Bailey - Hyped Cobalt Sheer (It Girl)
Maren - Electric Bubblegum Sheer with Blue Sheen (It Girl)
Flora - Exotic Dragonfruit with Blue Shimmer (It Girl)

My birthday is in May and I'm considering upgrading to get all the May polishes.  What am I going to do with all this nail polish you ask?  Line it up in my bathroom into a nice display!!!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Julep Haul - Moral of the Story - Never pay full price for anything at Julep

I used my 50% Welcome to Julep to purchase quite a few items.  It reduced the price of some nail polishes to $3.33 and $2.50 a bottle when ordered in sets.

My only issue with Julep is the wasteful packaging.  Each bottle of nail polish comes in a tiny box.
My entire collection.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Birchbox isn't so bad

One day I was at work and feeling particularly sorry for myself, so I decided to make myself feel better by signing up for Birchbox. Everyone on the internet hates Birchbox, so I was super excited about how much I was not going to hate it, just to be ornery. I was looking forward to this so much.

But then, my Birchbox box took forever and ever to get here. Birchbox has this cute little tracking thing that tells you when your box is born and cute stuff like that. My box was born in Tennessee and spent an unnecessary two weeks flitting around the midwest, stopping in places like Indiana and Missouri and Kansas. It took its sweet, sweet time getting here, clearly worrying about things other than getting to me. Sightseeing, going to the St. Louis Arch, stupid shit a beauty box really shouldn't be doing.

It finally got here today and I was so mad, I was planning to hate it so much. But then I opened it! It's not bad! There's nice little things in there! Here's what I got:

Gilchrist & Soames Body Lotion. In case you start thinking this hotel brand stuff isn't all that fancy, please note that there's French on it. It's not just body lotion, it's lotion pour le corps. And Gilchrist & Soames was EST. LONDON ENGLAND, so it's pretty posh, don't worry. I'll take this to work to use on mon corps or perhaps mes mains.

Supergoop! City Sunscreen Serum. This is an anti-aging UV damage repair complex that you put on your face. It will protect you while you are out in the city. No French on the tube but it's made in Australia and I find the lack of pomp refreshing, as I'm sure you do.

theBalm How 'Bout Them Apples? Cheek & Lip Cream. This is a tiny dot of pink stuff in a tiny magnetic book. I like this packaging quite a lot. When you open it up, there's a shirtless man in a cowboy hat to remind you why you're putting on this pink stuff. The color I got is called Pie.

Tea. One of the reasons everyone hates Birchbox is because of tea. Everyone on the internet hates tea. This month they sent three pouches of Mightly Leaf: Organic Earl Grey, Green Tea Tropical, and Chamomile Citrus. I'm okay with all of this.

The last item was in a fancy pouch. I opened it up and oh my god guess what came out (in addition to the thing that was supposed to be inside)?!!?? A little chocolate bar!!! I was surprised! I'm going to eat that chocolate bar so much tomorrow, oh man.

The thing in the pouch was a little pouch of Agave Healing Oil Oil Treatment, a.k.a. traitement a l'huile. They also talk to us in Spanish here. Now I can't be entirely sure but I kind of think I got this stuff in my last Blush Mystery Beauty Box. Did I? I don't actually know, but I think so, and I'm not going to get up and go into the bathroom to check. Please come back for my next entry when I update you on this.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Julep It Girl Welcome Box

Julep Maven $19.99 per month with Free Shipping

First Box Free at this Link with code FREEBOX, Only Pay Shipping $3.99

It Girls get three polishes every month

In the Welcome Box
  • Libby - It Girl: Rich teal crème
  • Elle - It Girl: Plum frost
  • Bunny - It Girl: Crisp white linen with fine gold shimmer

Saturday, March 15, 2014

March 2014 IPSY Glam Bag - Destination Beauty

I'm no longer an Ipster.  I cancelled my subscription after I received the March Bag.  

1.  The Bag itself is super cute.
2. NYX Eyeshadow in Love in Rio Colors. Great neutral colors.
3.  Chella Indigo Blue Eyeliner.  This is the same color as my favorite blue pilot pen.  Seriously this is very Emo/hooker blue/something you would wear on the streets of Tokyo and fit in perfectly.  Full Size.  $24 Value.  
4.  Pixi Beauty - Flawless Beauty Primer.  Primer is all the rage now since it provides a base coat on your skin.  It's like the base coat or spackle you would use on your walls if you were remodeling except it is for your face.  Really what it does is fills your pores so the surface is more even.  I love bareMinerals primer and didn't think this Pixi Beauty was as good.
5. Marvelous Moxie Lipstick in Get Ready by bareMinerals.  I like this because it's sample size and it's a cute dollhouse size lipstick.

For $10 it's a decent price.  I'm saving my money for more Julep boxes and that's why I'm cancelling IPSY.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

March 2014 Beauty Box 5

One of the best blogs is Liz Cadman's My Subscription Addiction.  She posts on the 3-6 boxes she receives per DAY and always shares great discount deals.  This is how I received an annual subscription to Beauty Box 5 for only $79 per year.  That's only $6.58 per box.  Somehow I justify this cost by saying that's less than the cost of a sandwich.  When I added up the value of the sizes I got I estimated the March Box at $28.

Notice I'm wearing Aisha Julep nail polish in the video.  Julep is still my favorite subscription box because the company does amazing things for women.  Check this story about their Powered by Girlfriends program.

Miranda Updates
Favorite Box: Julep
Expecting in the mail: March Ipsy Glam Bag
Most Wanted Box: Memebox - Products curated from Korea
No longer subscribing to: Blush Mystery Beauty Bag or Birchbox

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Gaspillage d'argent! Sacrébleu!

I need to stop reading online beauty box reviews. They're so whiny and critical. Everyone is constantly disappointed by their beauty box subscriptions. They're mad because the sizes are too small or they don't like the colors. They're mad when they get something they've never used and they're mad when they get something they've already used. They're mad when someone else on the internet gets something they didn't get. They're mad when there are hair products and they're mad when there aren't hair products.

Stop harshing my open limbic system, a-holes! You guys are snotty jerks! Of course you're not going to like everything in your beauty box! If you only want things you want, you should unsubscribe from your beauty box and buy the things you want yourself!

The Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the best mystery beauty box in the world! It is mysterious and beautiful. I have been subscribed since August, and I've gotten some really great things that I never would have tried otherwise ($30 body wash). I've also gotten things that I make fun of (nail wraps), and I've gotten things that scare me (pink human hair), and I've gotten things that I didn't know I needed but now can't live without (fingernail polish). Thus far, however, I still have received no products for my ears. Nothing. Now that I think about it, that's an absolute outrage. It's very disappointing. Blush hates ears! Blush is anti-ear!

Here are the products in the March Blush Mystery Beauty Box:

There's something calling itself Spackle. Spackle! Like the stuff you put on your walls! Except this is for your face! Specifically, this is Laura Geller Beauty Spackle Under Makeup Primer. How dare they send this to me, knowing how uncomfortable I am with the concept of facial spackly stuff. Blush and Laura Geller are basically telling me that my face is drywall. It's unbelievable.

The box also contains StriVectin-SD Intensive Concentrate for Stretch Marks and Wrinkles. I am so offended by this. The implication that I need something for stretch marks and wrinkles is the height of impudence. Also, I don't know what SD stands for. San Diego? Stand Down? Or does it stand for Stupid Dummy? The potential for insult just increases the more you think about this. Highly offensive product.

We also got Miracle Skin Transformer Hydroactive Microderm. This is from the same company that made the product that gave me a huge existential meltdown a couple months ago. And here they send another product from them! Are they trying to destroy my mental health on purpose? I pay money for this!

We also got Talika Eye Therapy Patches. This is great because Talika is the company that made that eyelash goop that actually (maybe) worked, but this is terrible because these come in a little foil packet. The two eye patches are actually worth more than $10 but I can hardly enjoy them because the packaging does not meet my high standards. These patches, which can be used three times, are supposed to deliver moisturizing and anti-aging ingredients directly to the skin by osmosis. Well I don't believe in osmosis and I don't like them pushing their religious beliefs on me. It's called the First Amendment, people.

Suki washcloth. This is a 100% organic washcloth made from the highest quality cotton. It is a cream color. How dare they pry into my personal life like this.

Skinceuticals Hydrating B5 Gel. This is the featured product picked out by this month's curator, a BOY. This is the tiniest, cutest dropper bottle of stuff ever invented and I can't bring myself to say anything bad about it, except that it's not as tiny and cute as the teensy-tiny 3mL dropper bottle for the super expensive Dremu oil. Actually, comparing the two, this Skinceuticals bottle is ungainly and gauche. Too huge! Gross.

DCL Oil Free Ultra Light Hydrator. This is the hugest bottle of face moisturizer I've ever seen in my life, 3.5 oz. So they think I have skin that might like to be hydrated, do they? I'll be the one who decides whether my skin gets hydrated or not, thank you very much.

The last product is Paula's Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid. This is, perhaps, the most disappointing product in this month's beauty box. The internet loves Paula's Choice, but who is Paula? And why should I accept her choice? What are her qualifications for making this choice? What did she choose from? And what does BHA stand for? I don't know, but I can only assume the worst.

My free samples from Blush this month are: a small packet of nettoyant pour le visage de First Aid Beauty, and a small packet of moisturizing body lotion from Amlactin that doesn't have one word of French on the packet. :(

In sum, this month's Blush Mystery Beauty Box is the most disappointing thing I have ever experienced. It has harmed my home and my health. Yet I will continue to suffer this burden on a monthly basis.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Julep Maven Box - Jan 2014 Classic with a Twist & Boho Glam Intro Box
Use Code FREEBOX to pay only $3.99 shipping for your first box.  Cancel anytime.

Fancy Schmancy Nail Subscription!  It's unlikely I will use most of this stuff but getting this box at work made my day.  $19.99 per box (free shipping) and you get $40 worth of products.  Usually 2 Nail Polishes and a nail tool or 3 Nail Polishes.

Boho Glam Welcome Box 

  • Michelle-Boho Glam: Midnight, inky blue
  • Aisha-Boho Glam: Wildberry crème
  • Mighty Nail & Cuticle Serum: This peptide-fueled treatment quickly transforms dry, damaged cuticles and encourages strong, healthy nail growth

January Classic with a Twist box

Ta Da! Quick Dry Drops: These nourishing drops will leave your mani touchably smudge-free in just a few minutes.
Mona: Storm cloud grey creme
Abigail: Light peony pink silk

If you are like me and paint your own nails like a 12 year old.  I can't wait for the Julep Plie Wand coming in the May boxes.  Video here!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Gaspillage d'argent? Mais non.

My first real Julep Maven box came yesterday! Julep Maven boxes are packed and packaged very nicely. Everything is very shiny and special, and everything is in English and French, which is muy importante for modern, sophisticated ladies like me. I was only going to subscribe to this box for three months but mayyyyybe I'll subscribe for four months. Or five, maybe.

Right now I'm wearing the Oxygen Nail Treatment that I got. Did you know that the French word for 'fingernail' is ongle? I didn't either! Mis ongles look tres chic without being all scary and bright. And they are being oxygenated, and my teeth haven't bitten them once today. Success!

I also got a bottle of top coat, which is very, you know, toppy and coaty, and I got the cleanup tool, which will come in handy, and I got the two bottles of nail polish - blue and creamy white. The blue, a light periwinkle, is very nice. The creamy white polish in the bottle looks like something unmentionable. Never mind about that.

Julep nail polishes are very nice, even if they are only 4-free. They cover nicely and dry nicely and stuff. And there are so many, many colors. Mucho gusto, Julep, you jerk. I want so much nail polish now.

This month's Julep box also came with: a candy stick! I ate that immediately.

Blush Mystery Beauty Box news: Well, Blush is still ignoring me because they again haven't sent me an email about the March box. But it's okay, Blush Mystery Beauty Box is still the best mystery beauty box.

This month's Blush Mystery Beauty Box is curated by a BOY. His chosen product is hydrating gel for your face, your décolleté, and the backs of your hands. A 1 oz. bottle of the stuff is $74. Given my newly acquired refined tastes for stupid expensive face crap, I will probably start buying it.