Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Important post about my face with helpful bolding for your reading pleasure

What's going on? I don't know. All I know is that suddenly I got not one or two but five zits on my face. After all these months of elegance! Why would my face break out this week? I don't know. What's changed? The weather has changed, is that it? That's dumb though, why would my face care about the end of summer? One zit is understandable, but five? That's indicative of something. But what? iOS 7? All the tomatoes I've been eating? The jackets I have to wear now? What is it, face?

Since I'm obsessed with my face right now it's a perfect time for (please keep in mind the previously mentioned problem is completely unrelated to what I'm going to talk about next)...

September Beauty Box Review, and August Beauty Box Update!

Sweet jesus! !!! Oh if only I could stay at home all day every day using up all my beauty products! I'd sign up for all the other beauty boxes!!! I'd start a blog!!! Shit man, I love getting this thing in the mail. Makes my month. September is the second month I've gotten this.

In this month's beauty box:

LVX Nail Lacquer - This isn't some shitty fingernail polish, guys, this is nail lacquer! It's non-toxic and vegan - good news for people who bite their fingernails, like me. The color I got is a light grayish purple. Other people got bright green, or brown, or blue. This is fine. I painted my toenails with it, even though I resent the idea that ladies are supposed to have colored claws on their feet. Does it take anyone else at least a decade to get through a bottle of fingernail polish? What do the ladies who sign up for multiple beauty boxes do with all this stuff?

Anastasia Beverly Hills Clear Brow Gel - This is the sister thing to the clear waterproofing mascara stuff we got last month. This is from Beverly Hills, guys! You put it on your eyebrows to keep them from becoming unruly. I read someone's review that said in the fall her eyebrows always get crazy. That seems very weird and fictional to me, but whatever. I don't know if I'll use this or give it away. I'm sure it's nice, but do I need brow gel? I don't know. I'll tell you next month.

Pop Beauty Pouty Pop Crayon in Fuchsia Flirt - It's hot pink. That's fine, some people will like this, I don't wear hot pink lip color. I'll give this away. I'm sure it's rad, if you like that kind of stuff. Apparently you can use it as blush as well as lip color.

BRAD Biophotonic Skincare Ultra Peel - This is a tiny bottle of some super expensive shit. It will remove brown spots and even out skin tone, it says. I'll give this a try, even though I'm scared. I'm sure it's fancy.

Alterna Caviar Anti-Aging Dry Shampoo - This is another tiny bottle of super expensive shit. It's got caviar in it? Hair needs anti-aging stuff? I had no idea. I don't like shampooing my hair all the time, so I'm glad to get some fancy dry shampoo. I got a cheap bottle of spray dry shampoo a year or two ago and it was dumb, so maybe the fancier stuff will work better.

Racinne Deluxe Travel Set, including: Ultimate Youth Power Mask, Serum, Cream, and Neck Emulsion - This is the fanciest thing ever, an entire set of very fancy little bottles of face stuff! I haven't tried it because I already have enough face stuff, but I read someone's review that said they liked it. I'll start using it someday.

AmLactin Triple Action Alpha-Hydroxy Therapy Foot Cream - Funny thing, my feet were perfectly fine this summer, I don't know why. Normally (you don't want to know this) my heels get all cracked and dirty and bad from running around in flip-flops so much, but this year they were fine. I ordered some fancy foot cream from Origins a couple months ago and only used it once. I just haven't needed it. So I don't know if I need this. I like foot cream because my feet always tend to be dry, and my feet like the attention because they're always tired from running, but I'm not sure about the alpha-hydroxiness of this. Maybe I'll use it elsewhere on my body - my elbows, perhaps - or maybe I'll give it to someone for Christmas.


I used up the Coola Cucumber Face Sunscreen and I really liked it. It smells good and spreads well. Mucho gusto.

I used the Philip B. sea salt hair mist for a while and only noticed that it made my hair salty. My hair would poof into an amorphous blob as normal and I didn't look like a Hawaiian model who had just emerged from the ocean. Would be better if my hair weren't so naughty. But I recently figured out how to control my hair, kind of: form some ringlets so it dries downward rather than out! Maybe I should try the hair mist again now that I'm doing this, but now that summer is over the sea salt hair mist seems so decadent and off-topic.

Fancy little perfumes - Used one that I didn't like and had to wash it off. I'm just not a perfume person. Also it smelled bad. Should I give these away or keep on trying to use them?

I'm almost embarrassed to tell you that I've been using the Pixi Beauty Endless Silky Eye Pen a couple times a week - put it on, wipe it off, and it's like you're still wearing eyeliner but not super noticeable. It lasts for days! You're probably not supposed to do that.

Haven't dermafoliated with the Hungarian stuff in a while but that stuff is strawberry-nice. I recommend it so much. Now that I am a beauty blogger you can listen to me.

I have used the Mor Emporium Hand Cream in Snow Gardenia twice - it smells very nice and is very nice and like I predicted it is so nice I don't want to use it up. I will have this bottle and love it the rest of my life.

A+++! Blush Mystery Beauty Box! Life of luxury, leisure, and glamour! Very soon I will be an unapologetic painted lady! I will probably be very gross and opinionated. I'm sorry, I get carried away. I need to get off the internet.

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