I wrote this yesterday

BEAUTY BOX NEWS

In the Blush Mystery Beauty Box this month:

Le Edge razy thing: I used this in my new shower last night! I am exfoliated today? I am soft. This is so weird it might be great.

Osmosis Skincare Harmonized H2O for Digestive Health: You're supposed to take a few drops of this water with water and it will help your gut and your life. I have no idea what it will or won't do but after I tried it the first time I had to pee and then I had to pee again right away, and after I tried it the second time I got really really thirsty. Some of the people on the internet are pissed about this because apparently it's just distilled water. The people on the internet dispute the claims on the Osmosis website, but remember what I thought about that eyelash crap? And it turned out to actually work? So, you know.

Glytone Hydrate Eye Cream: Hooray! At this rate I'll never have to buy eye stuff because I'll just skate from sample to sample. This is full-sized.

Goldfaden MD Wake Up Call: What? This is stuff that you're supposed to put on your face at night. It does stuff to your face. Good stuff, hopefully.

Jane Iredale Just Kissed Lip Plumper: This is a very fancy teeny-tiny tube of lipstick. It's so tiny it's cute. It's so tiny that some people on the internet are mad. Why do ladies have to have "plump" lips? Isn't that kind of gross? When you look at this stuff you think it's too pink, but when you put it on, it's basically just lip-colored but a little darker. And pinker.

Klorane Leave-In Cream with Desert Date: This confused me so bad, 'desert date'? But a desert date is a date that grows in the desert, not the date you need to desert by. Genius. This is stuff to leave in your hair. Well, good, except that it stinks. But once it's dried it doesn't stink. It's nice I suppose, except that my hair is sticking up today. Which I cannot blame on this desert date crap.

Cetaphil cleanser and lotion samples: Okay.

This month's products were not as terribly fancy as previous months but my criteria for "fancy" is the packaging. While these products were packaged in a more plebeian fashion than previous products (gross!) it's the crap that's inside that's actually the important part. Again, Blush Mystery Beauty Box, A+++. Very exciting! What will come next month!

NEWS ABOUT MY FINGERNAILS

I am sorry to report that, despite these months of purple fingernail polish and incredible successes with the cessation of biting, my teeth cannot be trusted alone with a fingernail. On the plane out of Juneau they descended upon the middle finger on my left hand (their favorite one, for some reason) and bit the shit out of it. I was hoping I'd be able to wean myself off of the purple fingernail polish (because goddammit, purple fingernail polish?) but it seems that, at the moment, I cannot. And so we continue. New purple fingernail polish has been applied and my teeth have been punished.

NEWS ABOUT MY FACE

My chin, it's ruined. Something is wrong. Do you think it could be the fancy Chinese moisturizer? Shoot. I've started using the Coola moisturizer instead. I'll use it for a week and see if my chin returns to normal. If it does, we'll know that it's the Chinese stuff. Too bad, because that moisturizer is so fancy and nice.