Sunday, January 5, 2014

new news updates of little import

My Blush Mystery Beauty Box will get here after I've left for Alaska. :( The revealed item this month is basically a very dull razor that you drag over your body when you're in the shower. It won't shave off your hairs. It will exfoliate your body, your forehead, and the sides of your nose. This very dull razor will last for a year. I don't know why it wouldn't last longer - it's a piece of stainless steel that you rub on your skin. Probably it gets all gunked up with dead skin cells. Gross! Now I don't know for sure, but this item may be the answer to all my problems. Or it might not be. The person who was the... curator, or whatever, this month, is a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. What other items do you think will be in the box! Hopefully something like... super nice tweezers, or a new kitten. I've cheated and read a review of a person complaining that there was a hair mask in it. I have hair and look forward to that.

And now, if you will, please indulge me while I talk about some previous beauty box products.

The Lisa Hoffman Madagascar Orchid Moisturizing Body Cleanse is amazing. It is made with magic and silk that will make you magically silky. It costs $30. Is a bottle of soap worth $30? No, that's ridiculous. But if you were a person who wanted to spend $30 on body wash, this would be the shit to buy. I do not receive any compensation for this review.

As you are well aware, I've been using the SmartLash Eyelash Enhancer, which you can get for either $125 or $30, depending on how controversial you want to be. I can't tell, is this doing anything? Maybe it's not fair to the SmartLash crap to have used the Lipocils Expert stuff before this. I don't even know. Did that stuff work? I can't tell. I have eyelashes, that's all I know at this point. I guess what I mean is, I kind of thought I could tell a difference with the Lipocils stuff, and I kind of can't tell any difference with the SmartLash stuff. But that's probably because my eyelashes are so amazing already, any improvement would cause earthquakes or similar.

The LVX fingernail polish remains a hardworking friend. My fingernails are long and strong like they've never been. This shit is for real, friends! Use and prosper.

I have been using the pūr~lisse pūr-protect Essential Daily Moisturizer for a few weeks and me gusta, hombre. My chin broke out mysteriously and grossly a few weeks ago but if it were from the moisturizer the rest of my face would have also broken out, so I think it's unrelated. This moisturizer has a silly name that only the cool kids know how to pronounce, and that's off-putting and obnoxious, but the product itself is lovely.

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