Thursday, February 13, 2014

February Blush Mystery Beauty Box

Shortly after my last post in which I bemoaned perceived miscarriages of justice perpetuated upon me by my most favorite beauty box in the world, Blush Mystery Beauty Box, it was brought to my attention that other people had experienced the same things I had and Blush was not, in fact, targeting me for mistreatment and abuse. So that's good news. And now the great news!!!...

My February Blush Mystery Beauty Box arrived yesterday! Here's what's in it:

Klorane Dry Shampoo with Nettle: If you are a dingbat like me who doesn't know how to use dry shampoo, you can go to the Klorane website to watch videos on how to use dry shampoo either with a hair dryer or without a hair dryer. (With a hair dryer: spray dry shampoo on hair, use hair dryer. Without a hair dryer: spray dry shampoo on hair, don't use hair dryer.) I'm doing a TRX class at noon a couple days a week and I just go back to work afterwards all sweaty and horrendous. It would behoove me professionally and personally to try to do some hygienic maintenance before returning to work, and maybe this dry shampoo will help in that regard.

DHC Deep Cleansing Oil: Everyone on the internet is excited about this. It's oil for washing your face. I've never used cleansing oil and I suppose it's time I gave it a try.

NYX Are You DeprEYEved of... Long and Full Lashes Mascara - Jet Black: This is the second tube of mascara I've gotten from Blush, and I still have two tubes that I got from my sister for Christmas a few years ago. What are you trying to tell me, Lord? You want me to start wearing mascara? Fine! I will. On the box, NYX asks if I am deprEYEved of things. No, NYX, EYE'm not deprEYEved, but thanks for taking the tEYEme to ask. EYE think this is a cute way to wrEYEte words that have a long EYE sound. Am EYE rEYEght, gEYEs? GEYEs?

BIOXIDEA Miracle 48 Excellence Diamond Face & Body Treatment: This masky mask has diamond powder in it which will make your face all sparkly. I'm assuming this effect is lost if you use this at night and then go to bed. I envision that this mask is supposed to be used by fine ladies who get out of bed at 1 in the afternoon, then take a bath and use this face mask, and then go out to dinner parties and smoke cigarettes with long holders. Etc. As I may likely be unemployed soon (NOT because I'm all stinky after TRX, but for other reasons) (reasons not related to me or my person), I am looking forward to leading such a life, and so this is a very timely product for me. Thanks, Blush!

Elizabeth Arden UNTOLD Eau de Parfum: This is a tiny fancy bottle of parfum. This is fancy on two levels - fancy on the box, which has gold leafing, and fancy in the little container, which is all prismy. I mean it's fancy on three levels, because, as parfum rather than perfume, it is also linguistically fancy. Fancy! This is described as a "fresh yet sultry fragrance inspired by the complexity and sensuality of the modern woman." Do you suppose that if you wear this it will make you more complex, sensual, and modern, or do you think you already have to be those things in order to wear it? The instructions lead me nowhere with this question.

VBEAUTE Rub Off Gentle Facial Exfoliator: Hey, if you use all these exfoliators will you eventually disappear? Is exfoliation a good way to lose weight? How much exfoliation is too much exfoliation?

NCLA Designer Nail Wraps - Pizzo: These are stickers for your fingernails! Ain't no way my teeth are getting through these things! You put them on, et voilĂ , your fingernails turn into tapestries! Good thing I've got these honking fingernails now. Wow. NCLA Designer Nail Wraps come to us from California. The LA in NCLA is for Los Angeles, and the NC is for Nail Crap.

And here are the extra samples that Blush sent me:

Vichy Laboratoires Eau Thermal (Thermal Spa Water): After we got a bottle of fancy water for our guts last month, I thought this might be a similar thing. It's water, in a can. It has a spray top. Do you spray this on your tongue or something? No. Our most mysterious contributor to this blog, the one known only as auntsi, told me that you spray it on your face. It's Vichy! Vichy is a spa and resort town in France! This is fancy French water, in a can!

AFA Amino Acid Skin Care Exfoliating Gel - Mild: Again with the exfoliation. Pretty soon there will be nothing left of me.

REN Hydra-Calm Global Protection Day Cream: This is a little packet of moisturizer. They sent us a half-ounce bottle of this a couple months ago. I've started using it and I like it. It's got a strong smell that I don't like, but it seems like a good moisturizer for winter. So far it hasn't caused my chin to turn into a bad place like the Chinese stuff did. God, that still makes me cry. That moisturizer was so fancy and amazing, but my chin hated it so much. Life can be so confusing and heartbreaking.

Some other lady on the internet got a giant bottle of hair spray as one of her free samples. A giant bottle of hair spray! It's okay that I didn't get that, I got eau instead and I'm not even sure her hair spray was French. In fact I think it wasn't, so I win.

Hooray! Best beauty box ever, Blush Mystery Beauty Box, A+++! I love this! What will come next month! Will they get the shipping problems fixed? Will they finally send us something for our ears? Oh man! Luckily February is a short month! We only have three more weeks of waiting.

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